why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
