He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
