So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
