How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
