Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
