Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
