Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize