you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Still dying that you shit outside
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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