Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
