I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
