It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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