and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
