I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
