ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
