the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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