How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
