You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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