I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
