He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
