if you like me you must not know who I am
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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