I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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