direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
