I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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