i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
