Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
