Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
