I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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