everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
