You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
