So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
