No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
