lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
