Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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