somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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