these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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