Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
