I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
