if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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