mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
