When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
