I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
