i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
