It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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