I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
