Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
