where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize