I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
