I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
