whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
