I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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