she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
