ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
