He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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