She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
