im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
