so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
