Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
