worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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