hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
