ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
