Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
