If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
