im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
