if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
