where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
