and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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