Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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