So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
