I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
